Nine-ish years ago, my boyfriend and I decided we wanted to explore the world of Leather and BDSM. So I talked to my friend who ran the local gay bookstore, and I shopped for books. I prowled the internet and read. We talked to some friends who were into these things. There was advise, warnings, encouragement. And in the years that followed, my bookshelf grew, my circle of friends expanded, and I've had a lot of fun. One thing stood out. One simple memory remains to this day, and I like to share it with kinksters new to the scene.
One of my SCA friends saw a kink book in my backpack at our monthly sewing class. She pulled me into the next room so we could talk privately, and shared her love for spanking petite gay boys and pony play and she quizzed me on what our plans were, where we were heading, our local contacts, and probably another 20 things I cannot remember. (My head was still trying to wrap around images of her in the pride parade in a chariot pulled by a team of ponygirls.) She took my hand and told me she wanted us to be safe and careful. She didn't want anything bad to happen to us, and there are a fair share of shady people in every community. Then she shared what was, in her words, "the best advise I ever got, and the only advise I pass on to new people." It stuck. So I'm passing it along to anyone who reads this, and after nine-ish years, it is valid.
The Best Advise I Ever Got
1. Find and respect your limits.
2. Don't play with people who don't respect your limits.
3. Expect your limits to change.
Things that made my stomach turn, made me shudder, made my inner voice scream "WTF!?" are now activities that I gladly share with others. Some things still make me squirm. But I've grown as a kinky person and these words still ring true.
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