Lately I've had some interesting conversations about the Trainer/handler role, and our place in the community. It brought up some questions that I'd like to submit to a larger pack than those I personally know (both online and locally). To this end, I created two surveys on SurveyMonkey, one for Pups and one for Trainers/handlers. I'll keep them open for a month, and then post the results. Sharing just a few minutes of your day will help create a larger view of our community. Thank you!
Fill out the Puppy Survey
Fill out the Trainer/Handler Survey
As an additional note, the biggest issue that drove this survey was the statement "Most of the puppies out there don't want a handler or trainer. They're happy to be strays." While I do not agree with this, I cannot speak for all, or even most, puppies. So I'll ask as many as can to please bark and make your voices heard. Thank you!
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Monday, March 11, 2013
Respecting Honesty - Let's talk about sex
Last week, a young man named Kyle Bella posted an article on Buzzfeed entitled "Why It's So Hard To Talk About Bareback Sex". It was, in my opinion, a well-written and honest article about a highly important topic. Take a few minutes to read it. Then take a few more minutes and read through the comments that follow it. By simply posting this article, he as demonstrated WHY it is so hard to talk about bareback sex. The reactions I read came in hard and fast. They were not nice - I heard anger, fear, shame, guilt. How are we to have an honest and meaningful discussion about this topic when the knee-jerk reactions are so negative?
I immediately question the motives of the individuals who post so quickly and use hurtful language. When I was younger and deeply in the closet, I had a ready arsenal of gay jokes and hateful words to deflect attention from myself, and it ultimately reflected my own inner guilt and shame.
If I ever share anything personal with another person, and their reaction follows those lines of negativity, guilt, and shame, I tend to shut up and get very quiet. Conversation stops, sharing stops, and I will be highly reluctant to bring up that topic again - ever.
There's a banquet of food for thought in this HuffPost Live Video - it's an interesting 30 minutes if you have the time.
I'm not going to declare and defend a position on bareback sex. That's not the point. The point is that I think it's important to pay attention to what's going on in the world around us, assess what we're seeing, and form opinions based on educated critical thinking, not on emotional biases.
The article quoted a recent survey stating "With more than 50% of gay men no longer using condoms consistently,..." and that is, according to one person, "an appaling statistic". But I always remember the quote popularly attributed to Mark Twain "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." There are unknown factors behind that 50%+ number. Without direct access to the raw data, it's hard to accurately determine if that's a realistic number that correlates to the opinion presented. It appears to say that half of gay men have abandoned condom use. But the reality could be different.
If a committed couple in an open relationship do not use condoms with one another, but do use condoms with others, that would qualify as not using condoms consistently. It would also be an approach adopted by many couples in open relationships to protect themselves and to more fully enjoy their sex lives and mitigate the risk of contracting STIs from individuals outside the relationship. Is that a responsible and intelligent choice? I think so. But it also feeds into that statistic and fuels emotional responses. That's just one of many options to consider when viewing the statistics - there are so many other ways to dissect the data, but that's a basic example.
If I were to get on a soapbox in the middle of this posting, it would be this: Condoms do not equal Safe Sex. Condom use is a factor in SAFER sex, but the presence of a condom does not that sex will be perfectly safe. I'd like to see that verbage changed. It seems to engender a belief that sexual behavior without a condom is dangeous and unsafe, when safer sex practices exist that do not involve a condom. Condoms are useful and valuable in protection from a number of STIs, but the inclusion of a condom in sexual behaviors does not guarantee that you are SAFE from contracting an STI.
But back to the intended topic - how do you have an open and honest conversation about a sensitive and emotionally loaded topic? I think it needs to happen with honesty and respect and humility. If someone shares an intimate and vulnerable piece of their life with you (or the entire internet) and it triggers an emotional response, stop. Exhale, inhale. Look at what's happening. You may not agree, but respect the courage it took to share. Express gratitude that someone opened up their personal life to you. Look at your own reaction - does it wind you up because it hits close to home? And then, when you're able to be objective, join the conversation.
Thank you, Kyle, for sharing a piece of your journey with us. I hope it opens the door to many honest and valuable conversations.
I immediately question the motives of the individuals who post so quickly and use hurtful language. When I was younger and deeply in the closet, I had a ready arsenal of gay jokes and hateful words to deflect attention from myself, and it ultimately reflected my own inner guilt and shame.
If I ever share anything personal with another person, and their reaction follows those lines of negativity, guilt, and shame, I tend to shut up and get very quiet. Conversation stops, sharing stops, and I will be highly reluctant to bring up that topic again - ever.
There's a banquet of food for thought in this HuffPost Live Video - it's an interesting 30 minutes if you have the time.
I'm not going to declare and defend a position on bareback sex. That's not the point. The point is that I think it's important to pay attention to what's going on in the world around us, assess what we're seeing, and form opinions based on educated critical thinking, not on emotional biases.
The article quoted a recent survey stating "With more than 50% of gay men no longer using condoms consistently,..." and that is, according to one person, "an appaling statistic". But I always remember the quote popularly attributed to Mark Twain "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics." There are unknown factors behind that 50%+ number. Without direct access to the raw data, it's hard to accurately determine if that's a realistic number that correlates to the opinion presented. It appears to say that half of gay men have abandoned condom use. But the reality could be different.
If a committed couple in an open relationship do not use condoms with one another, but do use condoms with others, that would qualify as not using condoms consistently. It would also be an approach adopted by many couples in open relationships to protect themselves and to more fully enjoy their sex lives and mitigate the risk of contracting STIs from individuals outside the relationship. Is that a responsible and intelligent choice? I think so. But it also feeds into that statistic and fuels emotional responses. That's just one of many options to consider when viewing the statistics - there are so many other ways to dissect the data, but that's a basic example.
If I were to get on a soapbox in the middle of this posting, it would be this: Condoms do not equal Safe Sex. Condom use is a factor in SAFER sex, but the presence of a condom does not that sex will be perfectly safe. I'd like to see that verbage changed. It seems to engender a belief that sexual behavior without a condom is dangeous and unsafe, when safer sex practices exist that do not involve a condom. Condoms are useful and valuable in protection from a number of STIs, but the inclusion of a condom in sexual behaviors does not guarantee that you are SAFE from contracting an STI.
But back to the intended topic - how do you have an open and honest conversation about a sensitive and emotionally loaded topic? I think it needs to happen with honesty and respect and humility. If someone shares an intimate and vulnerable piece of their life with you (or the entire internet) and it triggers an emotional response, stop. Exhale, inhale. Look at what's happening. You may not agree, but respect the courage it took to share. Express gratitude that someone opened up their personal life to you. Look at your own reaction - does it wind you up because it hits close to home? And then, when you're able to be objective, join the conversation.
Thank you, Kyle, for sharing a piece of your journey with us. I hope it opens the door to many honest and valuable conversations.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Sin In The City
Las Vegas - Sin City - I'd never been before. Not until our travels took us to a first-time event in the Nevada desert. We traveled with our friends Shazzy and RaggedKnot to explore the fun offered by this pansexual event and explore the city as well. I was the only Vegas Virgin, and they popped my cherry good. We arrived on Thursday and settled into the hotel long enough to get changed from warm clothes to shorts and t-shirts. Denver was in the 20's and Vegas was in the 70's - woo hoo! We launched ourselved towards the Strip with much gusto, and dove into the mob to find lunch. Was I overwhelmed? Yes. Vegas has a strange energy to it - feels like a deep hunger underneath a hyperactive shiny man-child. It honestly took me a few days to get my bearings. But I was with friends and we had fun. There were gay bars (not what I expected) and there was shopping (shoes!) and there was eating. Plenty of that.
We tried America in New York New York, and found it ...lacking. Lacking service, lacking a consistent kitchen, lacking a manager who cared. I would not ever suggest anyone visit unless you have a large party of very hungry drunken friends who cannot decide on one type of food to eat. It does have a wide menu. Too bad it wasn't that great, and they cancelled our OpenTable reservation because we were early and were unable to add it back because their computer went down. Bah.
Our culinary highlight was Border Grill in Mandalay Bay. Wow. The service was fantastic, the drinks tasty, and the food was amazing. We tasted a variety of appetizers, cheviche, grilled skirt steak, Pescado Veracruzano, Yucatan pork, and sauteed shrimp. Everybody tasted around the table, and everybody was happy. Then came dessert with Tres Leches Cake, Pastel Rufina, and Flourless Chocolate Truffle Cake. Oh my - all we needed next was a blanket and a nap. Luckey thought it was better than Frontera Grill in Chicago, but I'm not so sure. I would rank them very close, with Frontera just a little higher.
But we didn't go to Las Vegas simply for food - there was a leather event! Sin In The City!
My favorite class was a hands-on class in florentine flogging. Two floggers going at the same time means double the whack-factor for your lucky submissive. I've always wanted to learn, but never pursued it much. This class gave me the basic exercises to develop the muscle memory to go like a pro. We'll see how much I practice and how this works out.
Luckey and I were not scheduled presenters at the event, but we reserved the Hospitality Suite for a Saturday afternoon session and presented out Puppy 101 class there. Shazzy brought a big batch of her AMAZING cookies and we had about 16 people in attendance. It was a lot of fun, and we made new friends and contacts. After class, we were both wiped out. Luckey fell back into headspace in the room and slept for about four hours, and I napped and dealt with some stomach-yuck that had pestered me all weekend. Unfortunately, we missed the Southwest Olympus Leather contest that night. <sad>
Another great part of this trip was the time spent connecting and reconnecting with friends. We had great visits with Mistress Simone and Brenna, Master Z, and Master Tallen. We also met a new friend out at The Buffalo on Friday night, and we'll be seeing him in a few weeks in Minneapolis when we visit. Shazzy and RaggedKnot were great traveling companions and I would be happy to travel with them again anytime.
Great job and thank you to the entire staff of Sin In The City! It was a great first year, and we wish you many happy returns!
We tried America in New York New York, and found it ...lacking. Lacking service, lacking a consistent kitchen, lacking a manager who cared. I would not ever suggest anyone visit unless you have a large party of very hungry drunken friends who cannot decide on one type of food to eat. It does have a wide menu. Too bad it wasn't that great, and they cancelled our OpenTable reservation because we were early and were unable to add it back because their computer went down. Bah.
Our culinary highlight was Border Grill in Mandalay Bay. Wow. The service was fantastic, the drinks tasty, and the food was amazing. We tasted a variety of appetizers, cheviche, grilled skirt steak, Pescado Veracruzano, Yucatan pork, and sauteed shrimp. Everybody tasted around the table, and everybody was happy. Then came dessert with Tres Leches Cake, Pastel Rufina, and Flourless Chocolate Truffle Cake. Oh my - all we needed next was a blanket and a nap. Luckey thought it was better than Frontera Grill in Chicago, but I'm not so sure. I would rank them very close, with Frontera just a little higher.
But we didn't go to Las Vegas simply for food - there was a leather event! Sin In The City!
My favorite class was a hands-on class in florentine flogging. Two floggers going at the same time means double the whack-factor for your lucky submissive. I've always wanted to learn, but never pursued it much. This class gave me the basic exercises to develop the muscle memory to go like a pro. We'll see how much I practice and how this works out.
Luckey and I were not scheduled presenters at the event, but we reserved the Hospitality Suite for a Saturday afternoon session and presented out Puppy 101 class there. Shazzy brought a big batch of her AMAZING cookies and we had about 16 people in attendance. It was a lot of fun, and we made new friends and contacts. After class, we were both wiped out. Luckey fell back into headspace in the room and slept for about four hours, and I napped and dealt with some stomach-yuck that had pestered me all weekend. Unfortunately, we missed the Southwest Olympus Leather contest that night. <sad>
Another great part of this trip was the time spent connecting and reconnecting with friends. We had great visits with Mistress Simone and Brenna, Master Z, and Master Tallen. We also met a new friend out at The Buffalo on Friday night, and we'll be seeing him in a few weeks in Minneapolis when we visit. Shazzy and RaggedKnot were great traveling companions and I would be happy to travel with them again anytime.
Great job and thank you to the entire staff of Sin In The City! It was a great first year, and we wish you many happy returns!
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