Disappearing Act

September was a few months back, and since the step-aside, I've been quiet, reflective, thoughtful, thankful, and sometimes struggling with what happens next.

It really felt as if that last month of the title year was flying by and a part of me wanted to just finish the ride, disembark, and quietly leave the amusement park for a relaxing hot tub...for a few months.
And then it was over. Done. There are now new shiny people, and they are wonderful and excited, and there's a lot of happiness for them and congratulations for you and life returns to normal.
But does it?
What is normal now?
Normal shifts because normal is what you become accustomed to doing. Normal is different for everybody, because it's part of your daily routine. So scouring social media for information becomes normal. Responding to emails from pups and trainers and interested parties becomes normal. Planning your next trip, airline bookings, transportation arrangements on both ends of a trip, booking hotels or arranging hosts, unpacking suitcases, doing laundry packing suitcases and planning wardrobes, thank you notes, long range and short term plans, planning time to spend with your partner, job searching, event planning, dodging drama, getting educated, writing classes, coordinating with mosh organizers to donate snacks because some of the most common snacks will kill your puppy (honey allergy), and I'm sure a dozen more things I've forgotten - all that became normal.
And that stopped. So now it's time to recapture the old normal, and that's not so easy.

Please note: I am not complaining or whining. I (sorta) knew what I was signing up for when we ran. I do my best to be open and honest here, and there's challenges along with the fun.

This was a once-in-a-lifetime journey and I will always treasure the wonderful experiences we had and the amazing friends we made. One year is great. I cannot imagine how people can manage a regional title year first and then an international circuit title year. But I took on a new load of responsibility and that became my life for a year. It becomes the new normal. And while I sometimes yearned for the old normal to return, when it did, it was not as much fun.

I spent many many weekends away from my partner. We don't live together, so we had to find time during the week - date nights, so to speak. Our former routine was Friday afternoon through Sunday night - we were together. We went to movies, out to bars, dinners together and with friends, and that was the old normal. We spent a good chunk of the last year learning to not be together on weekends, and the ones we did have, I just wanted to be lumpy and together and quiet while he wanted to go out and socialize. Now we have those weekends back, and I feel a struggle to fill the time. The new normal was to be gone and busy with events planned by others, and now that's done. The new normal was we learned to be apart on weekends (and weekdays) and now we have to un-learn that.

In the last year, I learned how to approach almost anyone and strike up a conversation, and hold that conversation for at least a few minutes. I learned how to engage people better, to open up my own life and learn about theirs. Even the ones I find really hot. That was hard! My historical behavior around people I find attractive tended to be sidelong glances, awkward approaches, and stunning opening lines like "I like beans.......<doh!>" I've gotten better. I found that I like meeting new people and seeing new places and sharing my experiences with whoever will listen to me jabber or read a blog.

That is not happening much these days, and it hit me really hard this last weekend as many of my friends made their way to Washington, DC for the Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend and I stayed home. Did I want to go? Oh yes. Could I afford to go? Not right now. So I went about my back-to-normal life and (not-so-very) quietly pouted about missing my friends.

So what's next? That's the big question. I'm still figuring that out, four months down the line. I've kept busy, and I'll backfill this blog, but it weird to redefine normal once again.
But while I ponder, plan, and dream, you are all in my thoughts.
And until our paths cross for the first time or the twentieth, I leave you with this..

Thunder In The Mountains

Our amazing local weekend - Thunder in the Mountains! - was July 12-14. This was the first big event that Chris and I attended, and it was the first event that Chris and Luckey and I attended together. It marks a special place in our hearts. Packing for Thunder is an adventure. We like to stay at the host hotel for the weekend and save a 45+ minute drive each way for the three days of the event, so we just load up the car with all the things we think we'll need. No weight restrictions means LOTS of toys. Do they all get used? No. Are they available if we want them? You bet! Somehow, during Registration, Luckey wound up wearing a PINK Leather Tiara, bedazzled and bejeweled, custom made just for him by Shazzy. I need pics!
Friday night starts with a meet and greet, introduction of the presenters and staff, and a quick review of the rules. Thunder is amazingly low on rules for an event this size. Practically anything goes in the dungeon (with a few notable exceptions) and the classes are always an amazing lineup. After a quick dinner, we joined the meet & greet time, and then socialized for a while afterwards.

This year, Friday night in the dungeon hosted HOWL AT THE MOON! - a two hour puppy mosh pit sponsored/staffed by the Puppies In The Mountains organizers and friends. Ten pm rolled around and we were given free reign of the mats set up in one end of the dungeon space. Last year was our first year, and it was very well attended. This year there were fewer puppies, but they moshed long and hard. One of our local pups, Pup Loki, was there when it started and played until we shut down at midnight. I started calling him The Iron Puppy for his endurance. We had some first timers join us on the mat - one willingly and the other was encouraged/dragged in by the first and Loki. Overall, there was much fun and puppy frolic. When it was done, we collected our toys, water bottles, and gummi snacks and loaded them back to our hotel room. Luckey took the time to have a light and fluffy rope scene with Ruin Awaits. (Next day, she started calling him Cujo. I wonder why?)
I wasn't tired yet, so I wandered back to the dungeon to watch things unfold as scenes continues into the late hours. As it turns out, I spent almost two hours talking with one of our local guys that I really had never visited with before. We commented on one of the hot and sexy young men wearing a pony tail, and that conversation became an exploration of our histories and opinions on many topics until we realized it was getting late (bedtime). We both attended many of the same classes through the weekend, and continued visiting each time. Thanks, Doctor Bob! It was a great to finally get to spend time getting to know each other better.

Saturday's classes started about 9am and continued on until 5ish. We enjoyed a range of lighthearted presentations to very serious and focused scenes presented. You have to choose carefully at Thunder - there are so many classes that we often end up splitting up to attend more. Saturday night's playtime started at nine pm, so we grabbed dinner with the International Titleholders Dinner Club and got dressed for the evening. Yes, I said Dinner Club - not Breakfast Club. Too many schedule conflicts in the mornings.
Saturday night was the 7th Annual Game Night at Thunder, sponsored by the Denver boys of Leather. It's a fun time in the Hospitality Suite with lots of friends, cheesy poofs, and games. There were two separate games of Cards Against Humanity going on, and maybe a little Trouble too. The newly formed Denver girls of Leather announced their presence that night as well, and were welcomed into the community with open arms.
Saturday night I enjoyed delivering an impact scene to Chris and a caning scene to Pup Tugger  - thumpy and stingy - all in one night! Added some bastinado into the caning scene for fun. <Evil laugh> Boy Bamm Bamm watched the caning scene, and joined in to deliver some good whacks of his own before we were done.

Sunday morning came all too early. Breakfast, load the car, classes, and a visit to the vendor mart. There's some great shopping at this event. A casual conversation outside the Truly Sin-Cyr corset booth turned into a line of men all waiting to try on a corset for the first time. Pup David (aka Wiggles or Bacon) went first, and it provided the support he needed for his sore back...and it looked HOT. Corset discussions continued, and the line formed. Luckey, Mark, Tugger, me, Loki, BammBamm - we all got laced in and spent a few minutes in them. It was interesting. I didn't hate it - but I don't know when I would wear it. Yes, they provide amazing back support. And some breath control too. Plus posture reminders - you shall not slouch.

We finished out the day and went to the Eagle to decompress and relax. Nick Elliott showed up and he spent a good long while talking with my boy. Later we fed Nick and returned him to the hotel. Time to go home, unpack the car, put away the toys, and go to bed.

To Rich and Brian - GREAT JOB! Thank you for all your hard work through the year. Thank you for letting the Denver boys of Leather host Game Night, and Thank you for supporting HOWL AT THE MOON! Aroooo!
To all the presenters - Thank you! We learn so much every year and come away inspired.
To all the vendors - Thank you for tempting us with your wares. My credit card fears this event.
To all the volunteers - Thank you for contributing and donating your time to make this event great.
To all our friends and family - Thank you for making this an amazing weekend for us all.
Much love to you all!

2013 AIDS Walk Colorado Donations

I'm taking a break in posting the travel updates to let you know my upcoming plans. This next Saturday morning, August 10, I'm going to be decked out in my Corcoran Boots and Title Vest (and probably a little more clothes) to participate in the 26th Annual AIDS Walk Colorado event. I'll be walking with the Denver boys of Leather on their team.

Yes, it's a fundraising event. If anybody has some spare dollars that they'd like to share with a good cause - please do. And if anybody has a LOT of dollars they want to contribute towards a good cause - please do. Colorado has a great in-state support system and network for people affected by HIV. This fundraising will impact many, many lives.

I've set a reasonable goal, and would appreciate any support that you can give. There are only five days left until the event, so if you read this and feel inclined, don't hesitate. Share what you can.  Even if you cannot afford to donate, please send your love and your best wishes to support all the individuals walking or running or working to promote and run the event.

My fundraising page is RIGHT HERE.

Thank you, everyone, for your support.

Denver Pridefest 2013

June! It's the season of pride. Time for parades, sunscreen, rainbows, festivals, socializing, and celebrating the advances we've made for social justice and equality, and maybe getting laid too. For us, it was a time to celebrate with our local family.

Denver's celebration spans both Saturday and Sunday, with the parade on Sunday. Saturday we took a turn at the Leather/Kink booth, supporting their first year. At least five local groups pitched in funds to rent the space, and carried literature and information from all groups locally. Den-PAH (Denver Pups and Handlers) had a time slot, as did the Denver boys of Leather. There were other titleholders there as well. Colorado Bootblack  Erik joined Luckey and I while we spoke to the crowd and engaged people in friendly dialogue. There were many children present, and they loved the outfits they saw. "Can I have a shirt like that, mommy?" was met by "Maybe when you're older."

For about five years now, the Rocky Mountain Leather Alliance has sponsored a Leather Contingent in the Pride Parade. It started small, with less than twenty people that first year. But by the end of the parade, people had joined us out of the crowd and marched proudly with the leather folks. This year, we had about 60+ people at the start, and right in the middle of it was a bright yellow convertible with me and Luckey sitting in the back.

What a ride! We were probably going to be walking when our original red convertible was not available. That's really not an issue, but it was to our friend Shazzy. She was going to be our driver, and had her heart set on driving us down the parade route. So, she rented a car for the day. Dang, it was bright and pretty and she was a fantastic driver - didn't dump us out once! We were joined by Praxis, International Mr. Olympus Leather, who was in town for the weekend.

My good friend Brad is one of the most knowledgeable non-medical people I know concerning HIV, and one of his favorite sites to share information is The Stigma Project. When he participated in the Mr. Leather Colorado contest, Brad promised to bring a campaign to Denver to raise awareness about HIV and the stigma surrounding the virus. He named his project "Marked for Awareness" and the effort began on Sunday. He brought bright red latex body paint and foam brushes, and painted "+" "-" and "+-" symbols on volunteer's arms, legs, chests backs, foreheads, anywhere we would allow it. Then we walked the parade and spent the rest of the day with the symbols on our bodies. If anyone asked, we could discuss that they are to bring awareness to HIV and the stigma, and we encouraged people to be HIV Neutral in their attitudes. I had the "plus over minus" on my right forearm and my left bicep throughout the day, parade and all, and had several good conversations.

We had a dozen puppies following our car in the parade, with an assortment of hoods, paws, harnesses, squeaky toys, and tails. They barked and howled and enjoyed all the attention, stopping at one point for a water break by the side of the street. The car following them had fun too, because they got to hear all the comments from the people along the entire route
"Isn't that cute?", "Look at them!", "Is that a TAIL?", "OMG, I think it is a tail", "How does it stay?", "Where does it...", "Oh no it doesn't", "I bet it does - look at it move", "oh my!"

The sun was shining and the mood was upbeat along the parade route. There were only a handful of protesters in a couple of places, and the crowd either totally ignored them or carried large signs to block them. Overall, it was humbling to sit in the middle of the attention like that. There was so much love and support. I smiled and waved and made eye contact with so many people on that parade route that I had to take a long quiet lunch afterwards and soak it all in.

We walked through the fair afterwards to visit with friends and watch the people. A short rain cooled things down during lunch, so it was not as hot as previous years. We closed out the day with Beer Bust at the Denver Eagle and then headed home to rest.